Tag Archives: martial arts

Really Awful Movies: Ep 231 – One Tough Bastard

One Tough Bastard, aka, One Man’s Justice is yet another three-word lunkhead action film. And boy, is it a hell of a lot of fun. Starring one of our faves, Brian Bosworth, this one involves a corrupt FBI man (Savak) who is overseeing an illicit weapons trade, procuring arms from corrupt US Army types.

Bosworth (as John North, as good an action name as we’ve heard), is a drill sergeant. And we see how much ass he kicks in, what else? A MONTAGE, BABY! Action movies NEED montages like fish need water.

His wife and child are shopping at a local store, where inexplicably, there’s an arms deal afoot outside. His wife witnesses the shady doings, and the bad guys blow her, and the daughter, to smithereens. They also shoot North, who comes in to help, putting a couple of slugs in his chest.

In true action form, North convalesces…and gradually regains health in order to track down the no-goodniks who killed his family.

However, the true star is Savak, who coos wonderful zingers and handles a pistol with aplomb. He cuts a totally ridiculous figure too, with hair straight from Interview with a Vampire, and even sports a fatuous nose-ring.

One Tough Bastard is hilarious, asinine fun…and even features the rapper formerly known as MC Hammer as a two-bit junk dealer.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 161 – No Retreat, No Surrender

What reigns supreme? LA or Seattle karate? That’s a good question. And that’s one that is explored in the wacky chop-socky Karate Kid knock-off, No Retreat, No Surrender.

Jason Stillwell is a 3-year veteran of the deadly arts, but not nearly competent enough to either a) represent Seattle in a TV combat tournament or more importantly, b) defend himself against bullies. That’s where Bruce Lee comes in, not as inspiration, but from beyond the grave! Someone who bears a very superficial resemblance to Lee, tutors Jason about how to punch, kick, dodge punching bags, and find is inner chi/qi.

That sets up the final showdown, as Jason is in the fight of his life, with none other than The Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg, better known as Jean-Claude Van Damme!