Really Awful Movies: Ep 166 – Commando

There are a handful of movie stars who’re known by their first names. There’s Meryl, Clint, Harrison, Sylvester, and not to be outdone, Ah-nold. Commando blew out of the gates in the mid 80s, and it’s been tougher to recruit useless monosyllabic henchmen ever since.

Commando is so bad for the health of moronic goons, it needs its own epidemiologist.

The plot couldn’t be more ridiculous: someone kidnaps Arnold’s (here, John Matrix) daughter, to get him to overthrow some tin-pot dictator. But he’s got other plans. And those plans include gunning down every conspiring third rate militia man off the California coast.

He seeks out those who’ve captured the fruit of his loins, and is a one-man war machine, wreaking havoc/carnage all over.

Commando is glorious fun, full of one-liners, over-the-top killings, and explosions. It’s must-see material.



Really Awful Movies: Ep 165 – Brain Damage

Frank Henenlotter’s Basket Case follow up, the equally fascinating Brain Damage.

“Aylmer” is a slug-like creature which injects a liquid into its host, giving them psychedelic highs. When our hero Brian gets “attached” to the thing, it starts to give him visions…and they’re addictive ones to boot. However, there’s a catch. For in the pharmaceutical world, what goes up, must come down. He starts to become strung out.

However it turns out, that Aylmer needs a steady diet of fresh brains to dine on, without which he cannot sustain his powers. This involves cajoling a now-willing Brian, to go out on the town.

A terrifically fun (and very gross) feature from Henenlotter. Check it out!


Really Awful Movies: Ep 164 – Freddy vs. Jason

The coming together of two forces in the world of horror: Freddy vs. Jason!

The gloved one has seen his power wane. And he needs to get kids scared of their dreams again. Why not bring the fear back? But again, he cannot get his strength back. So he enlists the help of none other than Jason Voorhees, rather than hitting the gym weights or doing push-ups.

Suddenly, the body count begins to rise…and cops, residents, and figures of authority are concerned. Is ol’ Fred back? What’s going on?

Freddy vs. Jason had no business being this fun. It could’ve been a total train wreck, but is surprisingly fun.


Really Awful Movies: Ep 163 – Psychomania

This week, a look at the odd British cult horror, Psychomania.

Tom is a shaggy-haired and quite amiable psychopath and the leader of a violent British teen gang, a la the Droogs from A Clockwork Orange.

Tom barrels around on his motorcycle with his girlfriend and loves his doting mother. The gang, The Living Dead, dabble in black magic. Meanwhile, in a similar vein, his mother and her sinister butler Shadwell get their jollies out of holding seances in their home. With her help (and following in his deceased father’s footsteps) Tom returns from the dead, after driving his bike into a local river. One by one, he and his fellow bikers commit suicide with the goal of returning as one of the “undead”.