Really Awful Movies: Ep 90 – The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

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Arguably the greatest martial arts film of all time, in this week’s episode we look at the Shaw Brothers classic The 36th Chamber of Shaolin.

The film follows the exploits of San Te, a nobody who trains at the Shaolin Temple to master kung fu in order to overthrow the yoke of Manchu tyranny.

At first, the Buddhist monks want nothing whatsoever with this interloper, who’s arrived smuggled in via a vegetable delivery cart. San Te gradually wins them over with his awesomeness.

Basically one lengthy training montage from one chamber to another, this doesn’t diminish the fact that this is an intriguing piece of art.

It’s certainly much more compelling than the inane 90-second Seagal rehab/recovery and training in Hard to Kill.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 89 – Captain America 2: Death too Soon

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No, not The Winter Soldier. The other Captain America 2!

There’s a sinister plot against the United States. And it’s being perpetrated by a guy named Miguel (Christopher Lee). It involves manipulative gerontology – administering drugs to prematurely age the populace unless the evil guy gets his way.

Luckily, Captain America is there to fight against this nefarious force and stand up for all that is good. Unfortunately, this ain’t so good at all.

This is a very silly 1979 made-for-TV production starring genre standout, the blonde-maned muscle-bound Reb Brown. He’s a favorite of ours (Strike Commando, Howling 2, Robowar, Yor: Hunter from the Future, Cage etc).

Currently sitting at 1-star on Rotten Tomatoes, after this laughable debacle of a sequel someone had the idea to recreate the magic of a Lee / Brown pairing by casting them both in the also equally bone-headed Howling 2.

Celebrate Rebruary with us with Captain America 2: Death too soon.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 88 – Fateful Findings

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Fateful Findings is mystical. It’s paranormal. It’s espionage. It’s drama. The only thing it isn’t is good. But it’s pretty darn entertaining.

Director Neil Breen makes mystifying, bizarre films that frequently make little sense. In this year’s US presidential race, people on the Left have been feeling the Bern. We’re feeling the Breen.

As beguiling as The Room, what Fateful Findings has in common with Tommy Wiseau’s infamous flick is a) a budget and b) an auteur vision. Both films (occasionally) look like real movies. But both barely make any sense.

The plot? Dylan (Neil Breen) has a near-death experience. He makes a miraculous recovery, and begins to focus on the important things in life: hacking into government computers. Or something. Beyond this, it’s really difficult to know what in hell is happening. There are plot turns and exposition not from left field, but from far beyond the left field bullpen, into the stands, out in the parking lot and into a neighboring area code.

Tempt fate and watch Fateful Findings. You’ll be glad you did.