Tag: exploitation

Really Awful Movies: Ep 439 – Don’t Open Till Christmas

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There are a lot of Santa Claus slashers. But with Don’t Open Till Christmas, Kris Kringle characters are the vics not the perps.

Don’t Open Till Christmas is a 1984 British slasher film. It is directed by Edmund Purdom, who also stars. But based on the end project, viewers can tell it is the work of >1 director in the chair.

The flick introduces a mysterious killer murdering Santa Claus impersonators in London during Christmas season, first off, through a Black Christmas-like POV shot.

Thereafter, a Santa at a nightclub is murdered in front of dozens of witnesses. Turns out, it’s the father of one, Kate, whose boyfriend soon becomes embroiled in a giallo-like murder investigation by New Scotland Yard.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 433 – Windy City Heat and One, Two, Many

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On this episode of the Really Awful Movies podcast, two very different films featuring two somewhat similar Lolcows, who eke out a living these days as internet “personalities.”

Windy City Heat (2003)

Windy City Heat is a Comedy Central production, which is a stunt built around the premise of fooling a wannabe actor (Perry Caravello) into thinking he’s starring in some gritty action movie.

He’s not.

But the writers/producers (who include Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla) as well as the fake director (Bobcat Goldthwait) and screenwriter (Dane Cook) do a pretty darn good job of making him think he is. There is an ersatz audition processes, in which the unwitting Caravello beats out legit A-listers (or so it would appear) as well as craft services, trailers, dressing rooms, marquees, you name it.

And Caravello is put through the paces, increasingly wound up and gas lit in different, often hilarious scenarios. Think of this as a bit like Truman Show, except as a quasi-mockumentary. It’s earned a lot of traction of late, with plaudits from the likes of Howie Mandel and Tony Hinchcliffe.

One, Two, Many (2008)

This 2008 National Lampoon-distributed production stars another Lolcow, Stuttering John Melendez, an ex Howard Stern staffer best known for accosting celebs on red carpets with off-putting, embarrassing questions. Now, he’s the one who’s embarrassing – doing crummy, unprofessional, and very idiotic podcasts, all the while being very very intoxicated.

Melendez managed to get this one financed because of his association with the Howard Stern Show, which at the time was hugely influential.

The premise of One, Two, Many couldn’t be more simple, as befitting the star: it’s a guy looking for the Holy Grail of adding a third in bed. Weirdly, Jeff Ross and Mavs owner Mark Cuban are in it.

It’s a raunchy, stupid, derivative, and cheap looking affair with a couple of laughs…but…not too many.

Tune into the Really Awful Movies Podcast, new episodes of which are uploaded every Friday.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 430 – See No Evil

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This week on the podcast, an Aussie-US, Lionsgate-WWE Films co-production, See No Evil.

This one rests on the formidable shoulders of wrestler, Kane, the antagonist here and chief antagonist to The Undertaker during the heyday/attitude era of WWE.

Juvie/criminal types are taken to a prison work program, but rather than picking up garbage on some interstate, they’re tasked to clean up some derelict hotel.

They’re supervised by two corrections officers, and as they’re going about their duties (rather lazily, it should be said), they are being stalked…by…a giant…hulking…killer.

See No Evil, but listen to and subscribe to the podcast! New episodes are uploaded every Friday.