Really Awful Movies: Ep 130 – Crap of the Week: The Last Dragon and Wrong Turn

On this episode of the podcast, our segment, CRAP OF THE WEEK where we spring movies on one another, unplanned and unencumbered by pesky research.

First up, who knew Motown was involved in film production? Barry Gordy was the man behind the scenes for the bizarre The Last Dragon.

Directed by Michael Schultz (Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and Cooley High), this martial arts exploitation musical came out in 1985 and stars Taimak and Vanity, two one-named stars a la Cher or Adele, except not famous.

Set in The Big Apple, the movie follows a martial artist named Leroy Green (a/k/a Bruce Leroy), who has dreams of becoming an iconic martial artist like his idol Bruce Lee.

Another martial artist, competitor Sho’nuff (!) sees Leroy as the only obstacle to being the true master of martial arts.

Not surprisingly, this received a critical drubbing. Were they right?

Listen for yourself!

Part II of this discussion features the largely forgettable but well-executed flick Wrong Turn, which has, for some reason, generated numerous sequels.

It’s a typical lost-in-the-woods slasher flick, unique in that Hamilton, Ontario substitutes for the wilds of West Virginia.

Desmond Harrington (Quinn from Dexter) is a doctor who gets in a car accident and finds himself stranded in the backwoods with some cyclists whose vehicle has been disabled. Unfortunately, the woods are inhabited by cannibal inbred hillbilly psychopaths!

Eliza Dushku and Emmanuelle Chriqui co-star.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 90 – The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

Arguably the greatest martial arts film of all time, in this week’s episode we look at the Shaw Brothers classic The 36th Chamber of Shaolin.

The film follows the exploits of San Te, a nobody who trains at the Shaolin Temple to master kung fu in order to overthrow the yoke of Manchu tyranny.

At first, the Buddhist monks want nothing whatsoever with this interloper, who’s arrived smuggled in via a vegetable delivery cart. San Te gradually wins them over with his awesomeness.

Basically one lengthy training montage from one chamber to another, this doesn’t diminish the fact that this is an intriguing piece of art.

It’s certainly much more compelling than the inane 90-second Seagal rehab/recovery and training in Hard to Kill.

Really Awful Movies: Ep 69 – American Ninja

Forget the Big Lebowski. Our Dude is Dudikoff.

The deadliest art of the Orient is now in the hands of an American! Lucky us.

This is a piece of Cannon Camembert, in which as an alternative to sentencing, a judge decrees that juvenile delinquent Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) must join the Armed Forces. It’s a plot that’s almost Seinfeldian (“cause he’s MY butler!”).

Anyway, he’s stationed in the Philippines where he demonstrates his heroism saving the colonel’s daughter from attacking ninjas. Along the way, his mettle is tested by the chiseled force that is B-legend Steve James as the sarge. Also, there’s a subplot involving arms sales to a nefarious group that hires deadly ninjas as a self defense force.

The juiciest part is that he’s an amnesiac, not remembering his difficult childhood or background, but luckily, muscle memory isn’t effected: he recalls all his martial arts training.

For a movie entitled American Ninja, the American isn’t much of a fighter, nor does he don the typical black pajamas that a ninja is known for (OK . . . he does, but ever so briefly.)

The film rocks. It has everything going for it that made Cannon great. The Dude abides!

Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com.