Submerged, Half Past Dead…We’ve had fun at Steven Seagal’s expense on the show. And richly deserved.

We figured we’d do it again, because hey, Stone Cold Steve Austin is in it too! Austin AND Seagal??? Double the pain. So much pain in fact, we may have to pull the plug on the man with the plugs. It’s too much. His direct-to-DVD Hungary-lensed turds are too much for even us to take.

In Maximum Conviction, he’s a contractor involved in making sure a prison transfer at a decommissioned prison goes smoothly. What could go wrong you ask? Glad you asked! Lots. There’s some bad guys who want to spring some of the cons.

Seagal has gained considerable poundage and cannot do much of the heavy lifting here. In fact, he barely beats any ass here. What gives? We INSIST on a wrist-snapping aikido-rama but there’s barely any fisticuffs of any sort. Disappointing.

Check out Maximum Conviction and let us know if we’ve missing any other Seagal classics.