Tag: terrible movies

Really Awful Movies: Ep 219 – Longshot

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Just when we’ve thought we’d seen it all…another turd floats our way.

Longshot is, wait for it…a movie about foosball. Of all things.

With the Champions League and the World Cup, soccer is on a lot of people’s minds, and always is. After all, it’s the world’s most popular sport. But foosball? The dopey, loud, largely unsatisfying bar/rec room/basement parlor game? It’s enough to make your head spin, forget the little plastic men.

This foosball, is tied to football, er, soccer. Paul Rodgers (played by ex-teen idol Leif Garrett) wants to be the next Zidane/Beckham. So he turns down a scholarship at a US college, in order to pursue his dreams….ON THE FOOSBALL CIRCUIT. You see, there’s a 50k grand prize. And if he wins, he can get himself over to Europe and maybe make it in the Premier League?

But this is Bush League stuff.

As the poster here says, “your chance is 1 in 1000,” terrible odds, especially when frittering away an academic scholarship for some pipe dream. Er, Longshot.

Paul and Leroy are 18-year-olds about to make their way to Lake Tahoe where this prestigious event is being held. Unfortunately, through some mechanism we can’t for the life of us remember, Leroy injures his spinning hand (forgive us if we’re not too well-versed in foosball vocab). So Paul enlists the help of 13-year old Maxine. Because that’s what 18-year-olds do, they cross state lines with minors and stay in motel rooms with them. WTF?

That’s a proposition that beggars belief. Much like squandering a chance at funding your post-secondary education on some dopey tournament. Unless your competition had thalidomide arms, it’d probably be anyone’s game.

We podcasted Manos: The Hands of Fate, one of the most boring films ever committed to celluloid. And this is that film’s easy rival. It’s agonizing on every level you know, and on some you don’t.

After all, how in hell could foosball be rendered cinematically?

Who thought this movie was a good idea?

We’ll break it down for you!

Really Awful Movies: Ep 217 – Halloween H20

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Halloween H20: 20 Years Later is a 1998 American slasher film directed by Steve Miner, the director behind two Friday the 13th films, as well as The Wonder Years and episodes of Dawson’s Creek.

This film is the 7th, count ’em 7th installment in this seemingly inexhaustible series. The screenplay was by Robert Zappia and Matt Greenberg adapted from a story by the former.

Jamie Lee Curtis is back as the resourceful Laurie Strode, with additional roles played by Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams (Dawson’s Creek), Adam Hann-Byrd, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, Janet Leigh, Josh Hartnett, LL Cool J and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3rd Rock from the Sun).

Halloween H20 was released on August 5, 1998, two and a half months before the 20th anniversary of John Carpenter’s original (and superior in every way that matters) Halloween (1978)

Set twenty years after the events of the first two movies, H20 centers on a post-traumatic Laurie Strode living under an assumed name, the headmistress of some California prep academy. Her long-lost brother tracks her down all the way from Illinois, and Laurie must face her greatest fear. Forget all that FDR “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” crap. The Shape is on the loose. And his knife is sharp.

But that’s the only thing that’s sharp in this debacle.

How does this reboot fare?

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, your ever-genial hosts delve into Halloween H20. Does it age well? Jamie Lee Curtis sure does. What about that cast? A dream cast, or a bust? Where will things head when the latest incarnation hits the theaters in 2018? Do settings make horror? What’s the deal with Loomis?

We’ll tackle all the above and much much more.

Join us!

Really Awful Movies: Ep 216 – Shotgun

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Shotgun Jones!

This is a 1989 action flick directed by Addison Randall. It’s got absolutely everything that’s required for mindless action fun: helicopters, dirty cops, shady witnesses, ruthless henchmen, by-the-book bosses, men on fire, cocaine kingpins, cannons, ladies of the evening, you name it.

Shotgun Jones and his partner Max (one white, one black a la Lethal Weapon, to which the flick is oft-compared) are hunting down a “basher” in downtown Los Angeles. A “basher,” according to lingo, is someone’s who’s rough with prostitutes. He’s more than rough. He’s killed a few. He’s announced by ear-piercing Eddie Van Halen-style guitar histrionics.

Shot in 2 weeks (and you can tell), Shotgun is one delicious set piece after another. There are head-spinning lines like “she was just another hooker.” “She was your SISTER!” and “the air in here…it smells.” As we mourn the passing of Steven Bochko, this is as far removed from a quality police procedural as humanly possible.

One cop is by the book, the other does things his own way. Their superior cuts them slack while chastising them, and there’s a very odd police lineup where the witnesses all gather together to compare notes!

Hilariously inept, and as fun as any action films you can find, join us as we discuss Shotgun!