Really Awful Movies: Ep 17 – Never too Young to Die, Robobwar and Zombies

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poster_of_movie_robowar_1988In this week’s Crap Movies of the Week, we look at Never Too Young To Die, a 1986 feature starring John Stamos as Lance Stargrove (!). He’s a young man who, with the help of a secret-agent Danja Deering (Vanity a.k.a. the ex of the Purple One, Prince) must avenge the death of his secret-agent dad (George Lazenby) at the hands of the evil hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragner (Gene Simmons).

The Bond similarities include a Q and an M but for the most part, it’s a whole lot of BS. Simmons is part of a Vegas-style variety act, done in fishnets and channeling Rocky Horror Picture Show. Robert Englund shows up too, to disgrace himself (the film’s not mentioned in Bob’s book, not surprisingly).

Also, is Bruno Mattei the worst director of all time? He’s got stiff competition from Uwe Boll but stands head and shoulders above.

He directed Robowar – Robot da Guerra – which is basically a Predator knock-off with elements of Robocop. It stars Really Awful Movies’ buff favorite: Reb Brown.

Also, expendable guns and bandoliers and Bruno Mattei’s last film: Zombies: the Beginning. 

Really Awful Movies: Ep 16 – Alienator

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It’s Aliens meets with The Terminator, with Jan Michael Vincent!

This is a prison planet movie, in which a felon (Kol) who’s on death row, manages to find an escape pod and crash-land into earth. His upset captors sic a giant bodybuilding Terminator on him.

While on earth, Kol, who is wearing a space tracking device, is hit by an RV filled with campgoers. They help him convalesce with the assistance of a park ranger. When the Terminator lands, all HE-Double hockey sticks breaks loose.

Corny, campy fun with lots of lasers. As a bonus: PJ Soles (Rock ‘n’ Roll High School).

Really Awful Movies: Ep 15 – Crap Movies of the Week

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In this week’s podcast, the theme is good actors slumming it.

We look at Gor, which stars an “all-American professor” played by a poorly dubbed Italian actor, Urbano Barberini (best known for Demons). He’s transported via a magical ring to planet Gor, where he must help overthrow an evil king and his barbarian warriors, all clad in thongs. This is definite bad movie sword and sandal territory. Co-star Rebecca Ferratti a stunner and Oliver Reed (poor guy) is slumming it big-time, along with Jack Palance.

Gary Busey (The Buddy Holly Story) and Yaphet Kotto (Aliens) star in Eye of the Tiger. Crazy Busey used to be a capable thespian before he became a joke on The Apprentice. Here he plays a construction worker who just gets out of jail and with the help of a Cubano drug lord he met in the joint, he helps battle nasty well-armed bikers in a dusty Texas town.

Lastly, we look at flat-top Afro hairstyles and Exterminator 2 (Mario Van Peebles). The flick features a Warriors-type gang who fights some Vietnam vigilante vets in the Bronx. Combat Shock and The Warriors discussed.

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